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Judy Kao - Tao Delight

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Conflict

 

When someone tells you “why do you not like my music when I like your music?” In situations like this there seems to be no win situation. Or is there? Is it a difference in opinion? Or is it a claim that the music that he or she likes is theirs? And when you do not like the music, it seems to be an offence on the person as if you do not like them! 

The issue here is that we, as a society, placed value and emotions on material things or events and made them a possession. This is when war starts. There is yours and mine. Neither can come into neutrality and see the event as separate from the persons involved. But the person is still the person, and the music is still the music. They are not one and the same! 

This often happen in relationships of all kinds. And hurt feelings and arguments can escalate and no one is to win and all is to loose. Because this takes us out of “LOVE”. When there is no “LOVE”, which is the universal glue that connects us together as One, we fall into the dualistic states of right or wrong, good or bad…,etc. Judgements of all kinds. Relationships break and suffering persists.

Here is what I have learned in my own life: take the things and events separate from the person. Continue to love the person and not put too much value on the things or event, such as music or personal possession. This way, I stay neutral and can look at the event or the thing itself with clarity. As I do not own it, I am objective in assessing the situation. And as to things, I learned material things are fleeting, we are here on a leased time and I do not own anything. 

Inclusive of the music I listen to. It simply is there for my enjoyment. Then when someone asked me why do you not like my music, my only reply is that I do not enjoy it. It is not you, just the kind of music! This can be applied to everything. 

If and when that person still takes offence, it is then something in themselves that is triggered. Much deeper then just the surface thing that someone does not like their music. I would stay neutral and disengage from such a conflict situation. Because that feeling resides in the person and I was just the trigger. Continue to love the person without judging their process. I own my own feelings and not others. 

"Refuse to engage in fruitless conflict. Disentangle yourself from others’ expectations and do not shelter those who refuse to grow. Crystal clear self-honesty will steer you into optimal choices. Recreate areas of stagnant expression.”

Relationships

Often two people reached an end, it is not because they stopped loving each other. It is because they have reached the end of their agreement, to give each other the experiences and lessons to learn.

Often these agreements are already pre-agreed before we came into this world. The plays and acts we signed up for, to participate in the experiences of life, with its various facets. To learn and grow into our wholeness, together with various actors and actresses on stage; to cooperate, share, and learn the nuances of love.

Some acts may seem tragic, some acts comical, and others dramatic and dragged out. Either way, the deeper lesson ultimately is, that we are learning the lesson to “LOVE”. To Love oneself and others without judgement and with respect. 

In the world before the internet,  “until death due us part” was often lived out where two people would live an entire life time of experiences together. Experiencing the different stages of lives from young adulthood, into middle age, into old age perhaps and lastly death. 

In this current information age, “until death do us part” has a different dimension and meaning. Time is compressed and events happen in a much more intense way. Some of us goes through an internal death, where a new person is born out from within. Often, but not always, the relationship that you are in can come to an end. Perhaps the person has gone through the turning point and ended up on a different path. Thus, can no longer see you on that path. Or vice versa. It can happen in friendships, partnerships, marriages, the relationship with family and parents…,etc. 

There simply is no good nor bad to these situations. It is challenging for all involved, especially if there are children involved. Due to the inevitable change, a lot of emotions can surface and require resolution. 

But love is never lost, and the experience shared during the duration of that time, has certainly enriched each other’s lives. Neither one is the same person they were before, before they have met. Each relationship has its own treasures to be discovered. 

Just using the logical mind to solve these situations often comes up short and unsatisfactory. Surely there is a way, I have personally found a way to come back to harmony and love within me, and with the person/people involved. It is fast, simple, effective and life changing. It is like changing from one highway onto another. Your entire life changes with grace, clarity and ease into a new direction.

This I know, emotions do not disappear when the mind told it so. Positive thinking or not. Certain experiences has very long shelve life, especially trauma experiences in the early stages of life. Often these influence patterns and behaviours of a person in a dramatic and often unproductive way. It casts a shadow on their path until that is transcended in their field of information. Often this is call the auric field. I like to call it the “Human source code”. 

I like to share these two quotes with you that I live by. 

With love and light, Judy Kao

"The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

“Know the truth and the truth shall set you free” is a proven and powerful statement because the more illusion we dispel, the higher the level of truth we can receive. "

Judy Kao - Tao Delight
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